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A bachelorette party, hen party, or hen night, is a party held for a woman who is about to be married. The term hen party or hen night is more common in the UK, Ireland, and Australia, while the term bachelorette party is more common in the United States. The term stagette is used in Canada.1 It may also be referred to as a girls' night out or kitchen tea (South Africa in particular) or other terms in other English-speaking countries.
The bachelorette party is modeled after the bachelor party,2 which is itself historically a dinner given by the bridegroom to his friends shortly before his wedding.3 Despite its inaccurate reputation as "a sodden farewell to bachelor days" or "an evening of debauchery", a bachelorette's party is a normal party, given in honor of the bride-to-be, in the style that is common to that social circle.2
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Organization
Participants are usually all women. Bridesmaids (if any) are typically invited, but any of the bride's close women friends may be included.2 Generally, people who are not invited to the wedding are not invited.2
This party is typically hosted, and therefore organized, by one or more members of the wedding party, although it is possible for any friend to host a party in honor of the bride-to-be. Formally, a party in honor of the bride-to-be is never hosted by the bride-to-be,4 although she may participate in its planning. While it is normally the duty of a hostess to pay for the entertainment she gives her guests, it is common in most English-speaking countries for participants to share the costs of this event.2 Whether the bride-to-be pays her share, or whether her share is divided between other participants is something to be determined by the organizers and the bride-to-be during the early stages of the planning process.
Participating in a bachelorette party is always optional, and many brides decline these parties altogether.2 Neither bridesmaids nor other friends can be required either to attend or to pay for any part of this party.5
Since it is derived from a formal dinner, a bachelorette party is properly held in the evening,3 usually about a week (or at least a few days) before the wedding,2 and usually includes dinner, although alternative approaches are not uncommon.2
Entertainment
Many different kinds of entertainment are selected, depending on what the organizers think will best please their guest of honor. While notions of a bachelorette party as a night of drunken debauchery persist in some social circles, it is now becoming widely seen in America as an opportunity for female bonding.6 According to etiquette expert Peggy Post, "Whatever entertainment is planned, it should not embarrass, humiliate, or endanger the honoree or any of the guests."2
When held in a private venue, such as the hostess's home, the party may take any form that pleases the hostesses and honors the bride-to-be. Dinners and cocktail parties, which provide comfortable opportunities for participants to talk or to give intimate advice to the bride-to-be, are common.2 Other hostesses choose a themed party, such as a "pamper party", with guests indulging in spa treatments, or a cooking class.7 While proposing a toast to the bride-to-be is common at most bachelorette parties, a few center on drinking games.
Some parties take place in public venues, such as a restaurant or bar. A few parties are bar tours.citation needed A very few bachelorette parties are organized as holidays to destinations such as Las Vegas or other party cities.
Sometimes a daytime picnic or other outing is organized in preference to the more common dinner party.2
Commercial interests
Many companies sell products aimed at the organizers of bachelorette parties, including packs of themed games, pre-printed invitations, decorations, novelties, and adult toys. Hundreds of websites provide "ideas" or "suggestions" for parties in an effort to sell their wares.
History
The bachelorette party is consciously modeled after the centuries-old bachelor's party,28 which is itself historically a dinner given by the bridegroom to his friends shortly before his wedding.3
Although the practice of giving a party to honor the bride-to-be goes back for centuries, in its modern form, the bachelorette party may have begun during the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It was uncommon until at least the mid-1980s, and the first book on planning bachelorette parties wasn't published until 1998.8 Its cultural significance is largely tied to concepts of gender equality.8 Compared to the bridal shower, which helps the bride-to-be acquire possessions or a dowry and reinforces traditional gender roles, a bachelorette party is an expression of social and sexual freedom.
Initially, parties in honor of the bride-to-be that were labeled as bachelorette party often involved displays of sexual freedom, such as attending male revues asking strangers intimate questions, or getting drunk, and parties that honored the bride-to-be without these elements avoided that label.8 Now the term is used for a wide variety of parties.69
Alternatives
A more traditional alternative is the bridesmaids luncheon, hosted by the bride and/or her mother during the day, usually several days or a week before the wedding.23 At a bridesmaids luncheon, the bride often presents a small gift to each bridesmaid.
If a significant aspect of the party is presenting small gifts to the bride-to-be, then the event is properly called a bridal shower. For the convenience of the bride-to-be, bridal showers are usually held earlier than a bachelorette party.10
A stag and doe party, also called a Jack and Jill party or a buck and doe party, is a similar party that includes men and women. It may combine aspects of a drinking game with fundraising.
References
- ^ Barber, Katherine, ed. (2004). Canadian Oxford dictionary (2 ed.). Oxford [Oxfordshire]: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-19-541816-6.
- ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l m Post, Peggy (2006). Emily Post's wedding etiquette (5 ed.). London: Collins. pp. 183-184. ISBN 0-06-074504-5.
- ^ a b c d Post, Emily (1922). Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home', Funk & Wagnalls Company. pp. 335-337.
- ^ Berry, Margaret (20002-09-04). "Don’t Be Rude: Part III, Socializing by Margaret Berry - The Morning News", The Morning News. Retrieved on 23 August 2008. "Don’t throw parties in your own honor. Throwing a birthday party, a shower, or an anniversary party for yourself lacks humility. It also suggests that the party is a poorly camouflaged push for gifts, instead of a heartfelt expression of affection from a dear friend."
- ^ Martin, Judith (1999). Miss Manners on Weddings. New York: Crown Publishers. pp. 136–137. ISBN 0-609-60431-7. "Contrary to rumor, bridesmaids are not obliged to entertain in honor of the bride, nor to wear dresses they cannot afford.".
- ^ a b Hughes, Kathleen; Carolyn Gerin (2004). Anti-Bride Etiquette Guide: The Rules - And How to Bend Them. San Francisco: Chronicle Books. pp. 90, 92. ISBN 0-8118-4458-7. "Squealing girls and strip clubs full of dancing, oily-chested men with socks stuffed in their banana hammocks are becoming a thing of the past. Bonding with your gals is what the bachelorette party is all about, not calling attention to how drunk and tarty you look in public.".
- ^ Kristen Finello; Bridal Guide Magazine; Diane Forden (2005). Bridal Guide (R) Magazine's New Etiquette for Today's Bride. New York: Warner Books. pp. 28-29. ISBN 0-446-67822-8.
- ^ a b c d Montemurro, Beth (2006). Something old, something bold: bridal showers and bachelorette parties. New Brunswick, N.J: Rutgers University Press. ISBN 0-8135-3811-4.
- ^ Fox, Sue (2007). Etiquette For Dummies (For Dummies (Psychology & Self Help)), For Dummies. pp. 294. ISBN 0-470-10672-7. "Bachelor and bachelorette trends vary from coast to coast and are changing fast in many social circles. Most every type of party is acceptable...".
- ^ Vanderbilt, Amy; Tuckerman, Nancy; Dunnan, Nancy (1995). The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette. Garden City, N.Y: Doubleday. pp. 364-365. ISBN 0-385-41342-4.
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